Distance is a test to see how far love can travel

“Now the minutes feel like hours,
And the hours feel like days…
You’re so far,
This long distance is killing me,
I wish that you were here with me…
But we’re stuck where we are,
It’s so hard, You’re so far…”

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I still remember how I waited out those long sleepless nights for months all for one kiss,
how many times I replayed saved voicemails over and over again just to hear your voice again,
stalked my mailbox in hopes of getting a love letter from you…

Even though you may be thousand miles away,
you are the first and last I thought every day and every night. 

Sometimes, my eyes turned red from the sleepless nights,
cos I kept imagining the scene when I see you again,
I can’t wait to be in your arms, yet I’m anxious…
I doubt whether we would stay the same after separating for such a long time. 

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Many people say true love couldn’t be separated by distance.
Unless you had experienced long distance relationship, 
you could hardly imagine the pain of emptiness and desperation of physical love.
How you wished to be in his arms, and feeling safe from the harm…
How you wished you could crawl through the freaking computer screen and kiss him…

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Time difference is inevitable in a long distance relationship.
You start to looking at the clock and automatically calculating what time it is where he is.
Planning a Skype date always end in “your time or my time?”
Sometimes, you would stay up all night just to talk to each other,
and wishing you have the power to freeze the time so that you could spend more time with each other.
Whenever you go, you wish he was there to share your happiness and sadness.
But in reality, you could just tell yourself, “wait a little longer… it worths the wait.”
So you keep the faith, and wait…

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Long distance relationship is sweet, yet bitter.
Joy of long distance love is sweet while both of you are trying not to give up.
Some love will grow stronger than the distance is in between,
some love starts to fade away as time passes, especially when you guys are apart.

We lived at different time zone,
busying on reaching our own goals and meeting different people at different places.
Our love was like two parallel lines, waiting to cross again.
I don’t remember when exactly we start to fall apart, 
but I remember those nights at 4am, you were sleeping, I’m crying…
my world fell apart all of a sudden, your face, your voice, your smell starts to fade away…
Tear after tear, mile after mile,
I wished you were there to wipe away my tears. 

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So I started to kept yourself busy with things to do, hoping to get him off my mind.
But every time I paused, I still thought of you. 
I thought our heart were still connected even we were miles and miles apart,
Until one or both sides of you stopped trying and gave up…
Too tired, too stressed, too much tears…
Disconnected. 
It hurts, so badly.

and we never saw each other again. 

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Out of sight, hard to get out of my mind. I missed you, our memories, us…

Reality & Expectations

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The moment when you realize that all the uncertainties ahead seem out of your control.. And deep down, you are expecting something to happen… hoping they could be achieved one by one. But sometimes, despite my best efforts, they let me down. The fear of feeling let down defeated my goal of being deeply happy. No matter how hard I tried to bottle them up and suppress them, they just turned into frustration. In the meantime, I tried to seek for comfort, and it makes you feel even emptier. What could I do? Be stronger… that’s all I could think of. Goodnight world…

 

Reminiscence

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「有些人 在心底從來沒忘記」
There are someone who you could never forget.

Time passes, people change but memories don’t. Good and bad memories bring tears, and words can’t replace feelings. Goodbyes will always hurt but pictures can never replace being there.

He once said to me, “if it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
I didn’t understand the meaning behind it at that moment. But when time passes, I start to become crystal clear about this simple but true saying. The person who told me this has left, however, if life grants me to choose once again, I’d do it all over again, no regrets.

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Reminiscence is always emotional. You think of moments that had happened with people you couldn’t forget. You think of them because they no longer exist in your life anymore. Sometimes you miss them too much and you thought that dreams were reality. In fact, you dream because there is no other way you could see it happen again.

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Sometimes, reminiscence makes me sad because of broken promises.

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.
“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

Indeed, if promises are made to break, please don’t make them. Some people are hard to trust people because they have lost courage to trust again after disappointments.

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Promises can be beautiful. At least, I still believe it exists in true love. A person who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation.
「若愛,請深愛;
若棄,請徹底。
不要曖昧,傷人傷己。」
“If you love,love deeply.
If you abandon, please do thoroughly.
Don’t be ambiguous, it’s harmful to both.”

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Alone V.S. Lonely

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Tick Tok Tick Tok. A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by…

Waiting implies patience. Everybody has experienced waiting, no matter how long it takes.  Waiting for the heated toast, waiting for a phone call, waiting for somebody, waiting for hope… Some people give up because they are fed up of waiting for a long period of time. While some people insist to wait till what they expected to come, and of course, the process of waiting is torturing and it requires a lot of patience and perseverance.

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Despite the above two kinds of people, some people choose to take alternatives that is under their expectations during waiting. In which, it is apparent to the case of love.  A girl has been wishing to meet her ideal one some day in her life. Unfortunately, she has been waiting for years after the previous relationship, and still hasn’t met the right one.  Inevitably, loneliness visits her easily. She tries hard to hide her loneliness, such as hanging out with friends, reading books, learning new stuffs…  She couldn’t help but admit that she is kind of lonely deep in her heart.

In the meantime, there are guys trying to approach her and treat her well. At the beginning, she pushes them out of the door because she doesn’t have any feelings on them. Gradually, impatience triggers her to waver. She tries to start a relationship with a guy that treats her nice, while she isn’t really into him. Why? Because she can’t stand the loneliness, she misses the feeling of being loved.

After a few months, she thought the boy’s love towards her could make her fall deeper in love. Sadly, she couldn’t keep forcing herself to love someone that has no feeling exist. Eventually, she left the guy with guilty.

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After all, some people in the world are lucky to find their Mrs./Mr. Right in the early stage. While the rest need to overcome failures of love experiences, including the patience of waiting, until they meet their right one at the right time.  Every time we love, we need courage to take another risk. There are two results of a relationship, either stick together forever or break-up. Some people are afraid of the latter result so they refuse to try. It is because these people most probably have experienced the hurt caused by break-ups, and their scars haven’t fully recovered. Time, is the only thing they need. How long? I have no idea as well, depends on how deep the scars are caused.

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For people out there who are experiencing loneliness, I understand that. You may try very hard to deny that you are lonely, but the fact is you are really feeling lonely. In this case, you got to learn how to cheer yourself up. Bare in mind, you are alone but you are may not be lonely. In our lives, in order to find our true love, we need patience. True love doesn’t come easy, true love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime, but waiting for it will yield a great return, a lifetime of love.

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All good things need a little time. Before the right person and the right time comes, enjoy the time being alone. Try to become a better person in order to meet a better person. And when the time I meet that special person, I will tell him that how glad I’m to meet him, and I will never ever let him go.

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I want you to know that, I’m waiting for you.
I can’t wait to meet you, to see your eyes,
to see your smile and to know about your life.
Wherever you are right now,
what ever you’re doing,
I’m praying for you.
I promise you I will grab your hands to see the world,
wrap my arms around your shoulder, and hold you close to me at night.
I can’t wait to love you, adore you, cherish you and take care of you.
I can’t wait to meet you,
and show you this message in the future when we finally meet.
But for now, I want you to know.
I’m waiting for you…

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Trust means everything

“Pinky promise!”
Do you still remember when you were still a little kid, you made a promise with your childhood best-friend that you both will be best-friends forever?

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When you gradually grow up, you made a lot of promises. No matter you mean it or not, how many of them are accomplished? If you have ever overcome disappointments about promises, you would know how powerful trust could destroy a relationship.

When you was a teen, high school was the stage of your life when you get to know many friends. Once you thought whoever you open your heart to, they will do the same to you. And therefore, you both became good friends. You guys watch movies together, share secrets, laugh so hard together, talk about the future… Everything moments seem so special when you spend with your good friend. Until one day, some sort of misunderstandings and mistrust made you two fall apart. You cried in the middle of the night and start to wonder, is friendship that fragile?

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First love, the very first relationship you most probably won’t forget in your life. You were curious about love, but you pictured it perfectly with him/her. When you both were together, you used to talk about the future.

“Do you promise to love me forever?”
“Yes, I promise.”

Words are easy, like the wind. Until one day disappointment eventually comes to you. You collapsed and your heart broke into pieces. Throwback to the day you both cuddle under the shadow of the tree, he whispered gently into your ears, “I will never ever leave you alone, and I won’t let anyone hurt you”. It is a beautiful vow until a breakdown of what it means. The person who hurt me, is YOU.

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Trust is paramount. Big or small, lies are still LIES. When passion is lost, and all the trust is gone, it takes forever to make a person to trust again. After all the betrayals and heart-breakers you experienced and met, you start to realize it is never easy to keep a promise. Don’t get me wrong, everybody should not lose faith on people who make promise to you. After-all,”Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Expect nothing and you will never get hurt.”

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People, if you really love your beloved ones, dare to make promises and make them come true. If you are not confident enough to make them real, don’t make promises.
So please don’t let your loved ones shed a tear. Trust means everything, but once you break the trust, sorry means nothing… 

Love xoxo,
Ange Gardien