Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

LDR – love/hate.

LDR is interesting. It tortures you with hours of waiting and months of count down; all of a sudden it overwhelms you with massive excitement just like a heart attack. The moment you see him walking out from the corner at the gate, O.M.G. *Butterflies in my stomach* With the exhaust of travelling half across the world for 15+ hours, he finally comes to soothe my heart and hugs me in his arms again. Time flies when we spend our time together, moments when I look at his happy face with his fingers fit in mine tightly, I just wish time could freeze at that particular moment, forever. And when it comes to goodbye, it actually never get any easier when he kiss me goodbye, and I watch his back turning away from me, every single time. But after all the bitterness, I can’t get rid of my addition to his unlimited sweetness. I love him so much that I dream of him in my future every night, and I think that’s the reason why I am patiently waiting for him to come back home.

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Distance is a test to see how far love can travel

“Now the minutes feel like hours,
And the hours feel like days…
You’re so far,
This long distance is killing me,
I wish that you were here with me…
But we’re stuck where we are,
It’s so hard, You’re so far…”

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I still remember how I waited out those long sleepless nights for months all for one kiss,
how many times I replayed saved voicemails over and over again just to hear your voice again,
stalked my mailbox in hopes of getting a love letter from you…

Even though you may be thousand miles away,
you are the first and last I thought every day and every night. 

Sometimes, my eyes turned red from the sleepless nights,
cos I kept imagining the scene when I see you again,
I can’t wait to be in your arms, yet I’m anxious…
I doubt whether we would stay the same after separating for such a long time. 

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Many people say true love couldn’t be separated by distance.
Unless you had experienced long distance relationship, 
you could hardly imagine the pain of emptiness and desperation of physical love.
How you wished to be in his arms, and feeling safe from the harm…
How you wished you could crawl through the freaking computer screen and kiss him…

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Time difference is inevitable in a long distance relationship.
You start to looking at the clock and automatically calculating what time it is where he is.
Planning a Skype date always end in “your time or my time?”
Sometimes, you would stay up all night just to talk to each other,
and wishing you have the power to freeze the time so that you could spend more time with each other.
Whenever you go, you wish he was there to share your happiness and sadness.
But in reality, you could just tell yourself, “wait a little longer… it worths the wait.”
So you keep the faith, and wait…

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Long distance relationship is sweet, yet bitter.
Joy of long distance love is sweet while both of you are trying not to give up.
Some love will grow stronger than the distance is in between,
some love starts to fade away as time passes, especially when you guys are apart.

We lived at different time zone,
busying on reaching our own goals and meeting different people at different places.
Our love was like two parallel lines, waiting to cross again.
I don’t remember when exactly we start to fall apart, 
but I remember those nights at 4am, you were sleeping, I’m crying…
my world fell apart all of a sudden, your face, your voice, your smell starts to fade away…
Tear after tear, mile after mile,
I wished you were there to wipe away my tears. 

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So I started to kept yourself busy with things to do, hoping to get him off my mind.
But every time I paused, I still thought of you. 
I thought our heart were still connected even we were miles and miles apart,
Until one or both sides of you stopped trying and gave up…
Too tired, too stressed, too much tears…
Disconnected. 
It hurts, so badly.

and we never saw each other again. 

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Out of sight, hard to get out of my mind. I missed you, our memories, us…

Connections

If I disappear, will you look for me?

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Have you ever met somebody in your life whom you thought you would stay close with forever, but all of a sudden, they just disappear from your life? We used to stay very close. We shared secrets, laughters, and you even wiped my tears and you witnessed my ups and downs.

What made us fall apart? Time? Misunderstanding? People? I am not sure about it either… I just remember our relationship faded away slowly and we weren’t even noticing. I don’t feel mad at you. I am just disappointed with our fragile connection. Somehow I think at the next life milestone, we meet a new bunch of people. There is always good lesson in meeting new people, it enlarges your social circle of friends. But please don’t forget those who have been there for you at your downs, they are irreplaceable.

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I wish I could grow old with my close friends. We text everyday, hangout and talk sometimes. We become bridesmaids of each other and throwback to those beautiful moments we have had when we were young. One day, maybe we could even bring our grandchildren along and they would ask, “How long have you been friends?” And we’ll smile and say, “Almost forever.”

It’s hard to sustain a close relationship with a friend. You used to stick with each other everyday, and when time passes by, you both meet new people in different social groups, discuss in different topics and live different lives.

I always believe life is completed when one have found the following 3 elements:
1. Complete family (your parents and siblings)
2. Soulmate (wife/husband)
3. A few best friends
Family is a lifetime, lovers are eternity and best friends are forever. Life cannot be happier when you achieve all of 3 elements, right?

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When we grow up, it is normal to overcome several disappointments and heartbreaks from friendships and relationships. As always, hard time always reveal true friends. How do you identify? Easy. True friends always find a way to help you, fake friends always find excuses.
“Some people are like dark clouds, when they disappear, it’s a brighter day. Know when it’s time to let go. Removing negative people from your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it just mean you love yourself more.”

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True friendship needs both parties to pay effort and motivation to maintain. If either of parties fail to work on it, it falls apart easily like what I have said at the beginning. May you not afraid to let out your feelings to them and tell them how much they mean to you. All those bits and pieces of crazily insane, thrilling, heartbreaking memories that you overcame together are worthy when you both look back one day. Start from now, capture down all the moments you spend with your beloved ones, live with no regrets. May true friends stay together and never say goodbye…

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Cherish the moment

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Life is unexpected. You never know what will happen in the next minute. And that’s the reason why we are making decisions every day. Yet, there are decisions that we’ll live to regret. Some regrets could be fixed if we endeavor to make a change. However, there are some regrets that could never ever go back.

I am inspired by a recent Youtube video uploaded by a Dad (the link is down below), whose son passed away when he served in the armed force. His son has a sweet girlfriend and they have been together for four years, and planning to get married in 2012. Unfortunately, the war took away their son, their friend, and her boyfriend.

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It touches my heart while seeing how his Dad misses his son so much. He requested for help from public in order to get a “look back” video from Facebook, just for getting over death of a loved one to cope with death or grief.

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It reminds me of a personal reflection. Did I spend enough time for the loved ones who are worthy to me? Every time I think of death, I kinda freak out a little bit. It is not because I have never overcome death before, I did went to my uncle’s funeral. And that experience reminded me the sadness of losing somebody you have talked to. No matter how much you wanted to show your kindness and love to them, you are never granted a chance anymore.

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From now on, I just want myself to bare one thing in my mind every day – CHERISH the ones you love and those who love you. Because you never know when they won’t be there anymore.

“Life is short, live it.
Love is rare, grab it.
Fear is mind-killer, face it.
Memories are sweet, cherish them.”

Yes, there are some regrets that have already pasted in our life, and we can do nothing but to let go. Maybe you can try to think in this way. If you haven’t experienced regrets, you will never learn to cherish. Right?

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Sometimes, you didn’t choose to let somebody vanish in your life, they entered your lives and walked away because of some reasons that you can’t figure out. In the meantime, you start to realize that many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true ones will leave footprints in your heart. This is one of the most valuable lesson what life teaches us.

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So yeah, be thankful everyday of who’s around and paying attention on you, and giving their greatest love to you. Start with parents who made you the person you become today. They are pretty much the only two people in the world who can offer you unconditional love. Cherish and love your parents. Kiss them and hold their hands, like how they did when you were little. =)

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Alone V.S. Lonely

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Tick Tok Tick Tok. A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by…

Waiting implies patience. Everybody has experienced waiting, no matter how long it takes.  Waiting for the heated toast, waiting for a phone call, waiting for somebody, waiting for hope… Some people give up because they are fed up of waiting for a long period of time. While some people insist to wait till what they expected to come, and of course, the process of waiting is torturing and it requires a lot of patience and perseverance.

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Despite the above two kinds of people, some people choose to take alternatives that is under their expectations during waiting. In which, it is apparent to the case of love.  A girl has been wishing to meet her ideal one some day in her life. Unfortunately, she has been waiting for years after the previous relationship, and still hasn’t met the right one.  Inevitably, loneliness visits her easily. She tries hard to hide her loneliness, such as hanging out with friends, reading books, learning new stuffs…  She couldn’t help but admit that she is kind of lonely deep in her heart.

In the meantime, there are guys trying to approach her and treat her well. At the beginning, she pushes them out of the door because she doesn’t have any feelings on them. Gradually, impatience triggers her to waver. She tries to start a relationship with a guy that treats her nice, while she isn’t really into him. Why? Because she can’t stand the loneliness, she misses the feeling of being loved.

After a few months, she thought the boy’s love towards her could make her fall deeper in love. Sadly, she couldn’t keep forcing herself to love someone that has no feeling exist. Eventually, she left the guy with guilty.

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After all, some people in the world are lucky to find their Mrs./Mr. Right in the early stage. While the rest need to overcome failures of love experiences, including the patience of waiting, until they meet their right one at the right time.  Every time we love, we need courage to take another risk. There are two results of a relationship, either stick together forever or break-up. Some people are afraid of the latter result so they refuse to try. It is because these people most probably have experienced the hurt caused by break-ups, and their scars haven’t fully recovered. Time, is the only thing they need. How long? I have no idea as well, depends on how deep the scars are caused.

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For people out there who are experiencing loneliness, I understand that. You may try very hard to deny that you are lonely, but the fact is you are really feeling lonely. In this case, you got to learn how to cheer yourself up. Bare in mind, you are alone but you are may not be lonely. In our lives, in order to find our true love, we need patience. True love doesn’t come easy, true love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime, but waiting for it will yield a great return, a lifetime of love.

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All good things need a little time. Before the right person and the right time comes, enjoy the time being alone. Try to become a better person in order to meet a better person. And when the time I meet that special person, I will tell him that how glad I’m to meet him, and I will never ever let him go.

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I want you to know that, I’m waiting for you.
I can’t wait to meet you, to see your eyes,
to see your smile and to know about your life.
Wherever you are right now,
what ever you’re doing,
I’m praying for you.
I promise you I will grab your hands to see the world,
wrap my arms around your shoulder, and hold you close to me at night.
I can’t wait to love you, adore you, cherish you and take care of you.
I can’t wait to meet you,
and show you this message in the future when we finally meet.
But for now, I want you to know.
I’m waiting for you…

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Trust means everything

“Pinky promise!”
Do you still remember when you were still a little kid, you made a promise with your childhood best-friend that you both will be best-friends forever?

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When you gradually grow up, you made a lot of promises. No matter you mean it or not, how many of them are accomplished? If you have ever overcome disappointments about promises, you would know how powerful trust could destroy a relationship.

When you was a teen, high school was the stage of your life when you get to know many friends. Once you thought whoever you open your heart to, they will do the same to you. And therefore, you both became good friends. You guys watch movies together, share secrets, laugh so hard together, talk about the future… Everything moments seem so special when you spend with your good friend. Until one day, some sort of misunderstandings and mistrust made you two fall apart. You cried in the middle of the night and start to wonder, is friendship that fragile?

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First love, the very first relationship you most probably won’t forget in your life. You were curious about love, but you pictured it perfectly with him/her. When you both were together, you used to talk about the future.

“Do you promise to love me forever?”
“Yes, I promise.”

Words are easy, like the wind. Until one day disappointment eventually comes to you. You collapsed and your heart broke into pieces. Throwback to the day you both cuddle under the shadow of the tree, he whispered gently into your ears, “I will never ever leave you alone, and I won’t let anyone hurt you”. It is a beautiful vow until a breakdown of what it means. The person who hurt me, is YOU.

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Trust is paramount. Big or small, lies are still LIES. When passion is lost, and all the trust is gone, it takes forever to make a person to trust again. After all the betrayals and heart-breakers you experienced and met, you start to realize it is never easy to keep a promise. Don’t get me wrong, everybody should not lose faith on people who make promise to you. After-all,”Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Expect nothing and you will never get hurt.”

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People, if you really love your beloved ones, dare to make promises and make them come true. If you are not confident enough to make them real, don’t make promises.
So please don’t let your loved ones shed a tear. Trust means everything, but once you break the trust, sorry means nothing… 

Love xoxo,
Ange Gardien

Bonjour! (Q&A)

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Bonjour!

Well hello internet world! Welcome to my little cozy place, Ange Gardien – French name of “Guardian Angel”. Since I was little, my mom told me that everyone has an invisible guardian angel, who will protect you whenever you go. Despite we may not see ours, I believe there are always little angels around everyone of us=)

I am a typical girl, also an university undergraduate who is currently living in Hong Kong. Despite how some of my friends see me today, whether as a optimistic, playful or even goofy girl – I am sometimes a insecure girl. To get to know more about me, let me do a Q&A of myself =)

How do you deal with insecurity?
Whether you are in a relationship or being single, I’m pretty sure every girls and boys have overcome insecurity. Insecurity is something beyond explanation. You feel it, but you know this feeling may be gone the next morning you wake up. When I feel insecure about somebody I love, I will be frank and tell him about my feelings. If your partner blames you for your over-sensitivity, it means he/she doesn’t even want to spend quality time to deal with your feelings. How can a relationship last healthily?  I believe if your partner really cares, your feelings will be handled well and insecurity will seldom bother you.

When and how is my first love?
My first love was started when I was 16. It’s kinda unbelievable because my first love was actually a long-distance relationship. He is 4 years elder than me. We met each other at church since we were little. Engaging in a long-d relationship is really hard, especially while I had no love experience before! We webcam, msn, skype, phonecalls everyday… literally everyday. Sometimes, we made little surprises to each other by sending air parcels, it was really sweet when you are notified and jumped to the post office and get it. Till a year later, sort of situations about parents’ discouragement ended our relationship. Despite the fact that my first love may not have too much physical memories, it was still a memorable experience which made me grown up as an independent girl.

What is your favourite thing to do when bored?
Hahaha! Well it actually took me like 15 seconds sitting like a nerd to realise that I am really BORED. It has been SO long since I feel really bored as schoolwork has been making me crazy. Since I have opened my cozy little blog, I will most probably spend my leisure time on writing it. Usually, I will just go jogging by the seaside especially in wintertime. With my earphones on, it’s just nice to escape in my own little world.

What’s your favourite thing about Winter?
As a dreamy girl, I have been always wishing to meet my ideal soulmate one day. In winter, he will hold my hands and put mine into his jacket pockets. This is just so SWEET! Before meeting my Mr. Right,  I guess I enjoy the most while jogging by the seaside with my earphones on, feeling the wind breeze and let my mind clear. It’s just relaxing to have massive sweating.

If you can have any superpower in the world, what would it be?
Seriously… I wish I can CONTROL TIME!!!!!!
I’d stay in bed every mornings, alarms would not be existed in my world. I’d never burn my toast, never be late for anything…

What is your biggest fear?
The thought of losing my closed ones. Seeing my family members getting sick. Feeling betrayed by closed friends. Getting cheated in a relationship.
I just wish these would never happen on me. EVER!

What is your favourite food?
I have been obsessed with donuts ever since I was a little kid. I freaking love them and they are probably my favourite food in the entire world.

This is probably what is all about myself! I wish my first blogging could help to get know more about myself. I will keep updating about different topics soon!

Much love xoxo,
Ange Gardien