If I disappear, will you look for me?


Have you ever met somebody in your life whom you thought you would stay close with forever, but all of a sudden, they just disappear from your life? We used to stay very close. We shared secrets, laughters, and you even wiped my tears and you witnessed my ups and downs.

What made us fall apart? Time? Misunderstanding? People? I am not sure about it either… I just remember our relationship faded away slowly and we weren’t even noticing. I don’t feel mad at you. I am just disappointed with our fragile connection. Somehow I think at the next life milestone, we meet a new bunch of people. There is always good lesson in meeting new people, it enlarges your social circle of friends. But please don’t forget those who have been there for you at your downs, they are irreplaceable.

I wish I could grow old with my close friends. We text everyday, hangout and talk sometimes. We become bridesmaids of each other and throwback to those beautiful moments we have had when we were young. One day, maybe we could even bring our grandchildren along and they would ask, “How long have you been friends?” And we’ll smile and say, “Almost forever.”

It’s hard to sustain a close relationship with a friend. You used to stick with each other everyday, and when time passes by, you both meet new people in different social groups, discuss in different topics and live different lives.

I always believe life is completed when one have found the following 3 elements:
1. Complete family (your parents and siblings)
2. Soulmate (wife/husband)
3. A few best friends
Family is a lifetime, lovers are eternity and best friends are forever. Life cannot be happier when you achieve all of 3 elements, right?

When we grow up, it is normal to overcome several disappointments and heartbreaks from friendships and relationships. As always, hard time always reveal true friends. How do you identify? Easy. True friends always find a way to help you, fake friends always find excuses.
“Some people are like dark clouds, when they disappear, it’s a brighter day. Know when it’s time to let go. Removing negative people from your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it just mean you love yourself more.”

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True friendship needs both parties to pay effort and motivation to maintain. If either of parties fail to work on it, it falls apart easily like what I have said at the beginning. May you not afraid to let out your feelings to them and tell them how much they mean to you. All those bits and pieces of crazily insane, thrilling, heartbreaking memories that you overcame together are worthy when you both look back one day. Start from now, capture down all the moments you spend with your beloved ones, live with no regrets. May true friends stay together and never say goodbye…



Reality & Expectations


The moment when you realize that all the uncertainties ahead seem out of your control.. And deep down, you are expecting something to happen… hoping they could be achieved one by one. But sometimes, despite my best efforts, they let me down. The fear of feeling let down defeated my goal of being deeply happy. No matter how hard I tried to bottle them up and suppress them, they just turned into frustration. In the meantime, I tried to seek for comfort, and it makes you feel even emptier. What could I do? Be stronger… that’s all I could think of. Goodnight world…


Hard to be soft, tough to be tender.


The world is so quiet tonight. Turning on your favorite night light, your mama tucks you in bed with a big warm blanket. Your little hand is wrapped around her finger, and she starts reading you bedtime story. “Once upon a time…” Your little eyelids starts to flutter, because you are falling asleep and starts dreaming. Every night seems wonderful and peaceful, there are sweet dreams full of candies and laughter.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough… You start missing the days when you were a little kid full of innocence. Your parents won’t let nobody hurt you, won’t let no one break your heart, and no one will desert you.

By the time you gradually grow up, you start to experience lost of lives, broke ups, betrayal… You experienced the loudest silence of heartbreaking ever in your life. In the meantime, you seek for comforts from close friends. Despite you may feel a bit better afterwards, eventually, you realize the one who truly understand you is still you.


Don’t get me wrong. I believe someday, somewhere, at some point in our lives we will meet our beloved ones who will handle your worst and deserve you at your best. It just takes time and patience.

However, lives are full of ups and downs before you come to an happy ending. Before meeting your Mr. Right, you try your best to become a better person. Many people have tried to do good for others, believing that what goes around comes around. You may have given more than taken, thus being good unconditionally without asking for returns.

Until one day, people around you think you are soft enough to be controlled. They start to take advantages from you. You start to think, the world is ruled only by consideration of advantages. People whom you have known for many years seem to become strangers in one night. You wish you would never grow up in this city, and everything could back to simple.


Everything seems screwed up when you realize your effort are not appreciated by people around you. But my dear, don’t be afraid. Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst. Be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything. Be that independent girl who didn’t need a man. Be the girl who never backed down.

I know what it’s like to feel alone, and like no one is there. I know what it feels like to just have one person tell you, “I’ve got your back no matter what.” Be true to the one who truly loves and care for you. Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world. But rather, choose the one who makes your world beautiful.

Remember, what goes around comes around.

Love xoxo,
Ange Gardien