Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

LDR – love/hate.

LDR is interesting. It tortures you with hours of waiting and months of count down; all of a sudden it overwhelms you with massive excitement just like a heart attack. The moment you see him walking out from the corner at the gate, O.M.G. *Butterflies in my stomach* With the exhaust of travelling half across the world for 15+ hours, he finally comes to soothe my heart and hugs me in his arms again. Time flies when we spend our time together, moments when I look at his happy face with his fingers fit in mine tightly, I just wish time could freeze at that particular moment, forever. And when it comes to goodbye, it actually never get any easier when he kiss me goodbye, and I watch his back turning away from me, every single time. But after all the bitterness, I can’t get rid of my addition to his unlimited sweetness. I love him so much that I dream of him in my future every night, and I think that’s the reason why I am patiently waiting for him to come back home.

Distance is a test to see how far love can travel

“Now the minutes feel like hours,
And the hours feel like days…
You’re so far,
This long distance is killing me,
I wish that you were here with me…
But we’re stuck where we are,
It’s so hard, You’re so far…”

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I still remember how I waited out those long sleepless nights for months all for one kiss,
how many times I replayed saved voicemails over and over again just to hear your voice again,
stalked my mailbox in hopes of getting a love letter from you…

Even though you may be thousand miles away,
you are the first and last I thought every day and every night. 

Sometimes, my eyes turned red from the sleepless nights,
cos I kept imagining the scene when I see you again,
I can’t wait to be in your arms, yet I’m anxious…
I doubt whether we would stay the same after separating for such a long time. 

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Many people say true love couldn’t be separated by distance.
Unless you had experienced long distance relationship, 
you could hardly imagine the pain of emptiness and desperation of physical love.
How you wished to be in his arms, and feeling safe from the harm…
How you wished you could crawl through the freaking computer screen and kiss him…

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Time difference is inevitable in a long distance relationship.
You start to looking at the clock and automatically calculating what time it is where he is.
Planning a Skype date always end in “your time or my time?”
Sometimes, you would stay up all night just to talk to each other,
and wishing you have the power to freeze the time so that you could spend more time with each other.
Whenever you go, you wish he was there to share your happiness and sadness.
But in reality, you could just tell yourself, “wait a little longer… it worths the wait.”
So you keep the faith, and wait…

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Long distance relationship is sweet, yet bitter.
Joy of long distance love is sweet while both of you are trying not to give up.
Some love will grow stronger than the distance is in between,
some love starts to fade away as time passes, especially when you guys are apart.

We lived at different time zone,
busying on reaching our own goals and meeting different people at different places.
Our love was like two parallel lines, waiting to cross again.
I don’t remember when exactly we start to fall apart, 
but I remember those nights at 4am, you were sleeping, I’m crying…
my world fell apart all of a sudden, your face, your voice, your smell starts to fade away…
Tear after tear, mile after mile,
I wished you were there to wipe away my tears. 

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So I started to kept yourself busy with things to do, hoping to get him off my mind.
But every time I paused, I still thought of you. 
I thought our heart were still connected even we were miles and miles apart,
Until one or both sides of you stopped trying and gave up…
Too tired, too stressed, too much tears…
Disconnected. 
It hurts, so badly.

and we never saw each other again. 

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Out of sight, hard to get out of my mind. I missed you, our memories, us…

Love is like a bus stop, ready to get aboard passengers?

He once told me that love is like a bus stop.
People come and go, you could get aboard if you are ready for it at the bus stop.
I once thought getting on a right bus is easy… until I realized some buses just never get you to the right destination, no matter how beautiful the scenery was throughout the journey.

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When the bus comes, you looked at it and said,
“This is so full, I mustn’t find a seat… I’ll wait for the next one.”
So you watched the bus go and waited for the second bus.

Then here comes the second bus, you said to yourself,
“The seats are comfortable, but it doesn’t have air-con… I’d better wait for the next one!” Again, you let the bus go and decided to wait for another one.

Here comes the third bus with air-con, comfy seats, and a generous driver wearing a warm smile that melted your heart.
“Hmm… I think this is the one!” So you jumped onto the bus filled with expectations.
There were ups and downs, bumpy roads, yet fascinating sceneries all the way which brought you great smiles. Out of the blue, not until much later you found out that you had boarded onto the wrong bus… 

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The moment you got off the bus, the sky started to get dark.
You felt so panic and frustrated because you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want. Even the bus had air-con, it was too cold for you even you have tried to stand any longer… so you wonder, will I ever get on a right bus that take me to my dream destination?

But wait… somehow I realized, you gotta learn to press the red button by taking the wrong bus to a wrong destination, in order to get on the right one. Through the entire bus journey, each and every unique scenery will be captured in your mind. No matter it was good or bad, someday when you look back, I’m sure you’ll smile and feel thankful for the experiences. 

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Love is all about patience… if you miss the bus, you’ll catch another one.
Similarly, if you love someone set him/her free. If he/she comes back to you, you know they’re yours. If they don’t then it was never meant to be. If you’re ready to find love, don’t hurry, come and wait with me, I’m sure we can find the right bus and never get off. After the dark, it’s another sunny day. =)

Connections

If I disappear, will you look for me?

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Have you ever met somebody in your life whom you thought you would stay close with forever, but all of a sudden, they just disappear from your life? We used to stay very close. We shared secrets, laughters, and you even wiped my tears and you witnessed my ups and downs.

What made us fall apart? Time? Misunderstanding? People? I am not sure about it either… I just remember our relationship faded away slowly and we weren’t even noticing. I don’t feel mad at you. I am just disappointed with our fragile connection. Somehow I think at the next life milestone, we meet a new bunch of people. There is always good lesson in meeting new people, it enlarges your social circle of friends. But please don’t forget those who have been there for you at your downs, they are irreplaceable.

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I wish I could grow old with my close friends. We text everyday, hangout and talk sometimes. We become bridesmaids of each other and throwback to those beautiful moments we have had when we were young. One day, maybe we could even bring our grandchildren along and they would ask, “How long have you been friends?” And we’ll smile and say, “Almost forever.”

It’s hard to sustain a close relationship with a friend. You used to stick with each other everyday, and when time passes by, you both meet new people in different social groups, discuss in different topics and live different lives.

I always believe life is completed when one have found the following 3 elements:
1. Complete family (your parents and siblings)
2. Soulmate (wife/husband)
3. A few best friends
Family is a lifetime, lovers are eternity and best friends are forever. Life cannot be happier when you achieve all of 3 elements, right?

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When we grow up, it is normal to overcome several disappointments and heartbreaks from friendships and relationships. As always, hard time always reveal true friends. How do you identify? Easy. True friends always find a way to help you, fake friends always find excuses.
“Some people are like dark clouds, when they disappear, it’s a brighter day. Know when it’s time to let go. Removing negative people from your life doesn’t mean you hate them, it just mean you love yourself more.”

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True friendship needs both parties to pay effort and motivation to maintain. If either of parties fail to work on it, it falls apart easily like what I have said at the beginning. May you not afraid to let out your feelings to them and tell them how much they mean to you. All those bits and pieces of crazily insane, thrilling, heartbreaking memories that you overcame together are worthy when you both look back one day. Start from now, capture down all the moments you spend with your beloved ones, live with no regrets. May true friends stay together and never say goodbye…

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See the parts of them no one else gets to see

“I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed late at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.”

-XOXO Gossip Girl

Reminiscence

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「有些人 在心底從來沒忘記」
There are someone who you could never forget.

Time passes, people change but memories don’t. Good and bad memories bring tears, and words can’t replace feelings. Goodbyes will always hurt but pictures can never replace being there.

He once said to me, “if it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
I didn’t understand the meaning behind it at that moment. But when time passes, I start to become crystal clear about this simple but true saying. The person who told me this has left, however, if life grants me to choose once again, I’d do it all over again, no regrets.

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Reminiscence is always emotional. You think of moments that had happened with people you couldn’t forget. You think of them because they no longer exist in your life anymore. Sometimes you miss them too much and you thought that dreams were reality. In fact, you dream because there is no other way you could see it happen again.

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Sometimes, reminiscence makes me sad because of broken promises.

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.
“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

Indeed, if promises are made to break, please don’t make them. Some people are hard to trust people because they have lost courage to trust again after disappointments.

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Promises can be beautiful. At least, I still believe it exists in true love. A person who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation.
「若愛,請深愛;
若棄,請徹底。
不要曖昧,傷人傷己。」
“If you love,love deeply.
If you abandon, please do thoroughly.
Don’t be ambiguous, it’s harmful to both.”

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Alone V.S. Lonely

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Tick Tok Tick Tok. A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by…

Waiting implies patience. Everybody has experienced waiting, no matter how long it takes.  Waiting for the heated toast, waiting for a phone call, waiting for somebody, waiting for hope… Some people give up because they are fed up of waiting for a long period of time. While some people insist to wait till what they expected to come, and of course, the process of waiting is torturing and it requires a lot of patience and perseverance.

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Despite the above two kinds of people, some people choose to take alternatives that is under their expectations during waiting. In which, it is apparent to the case of love.  A girl has been wishing to meet her ideal one some day in her life. Unfortunately, she has been waiting for years after the previous relationship, and still hasn’t met the right one.  Inevitably, loneliness visits her easily. She tries hard to hide her loneliness, such as hanging out with friends, reading books, learning new stuffs…  She couldn’t help but admit that she is kind of lonely deep in her heart.

In the meantime, there are guys trying to approach her and treat her well. At the beginning, she pushes them out of the door because she doesn’t have any feelings on them. Gradually, impatience triggers her to waver. She tries to start a relationship with a guy that treats her nice, while she isn’t really into him. Why? Because she can’t stand the loneliness, she misses the feeling of being loved.

After a few months, she thought the boy’s love towards her could make her fall deeper in love. Sadly, she couldn’t keep forcing herself to love someone that has no feeling exist. Eventually, she left the guy with guilty.

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After all, some people in the world are lucky to find their Mrs./Mr. Right in the early stage. While the rest need to overcome failures of love experiences, including the patience of waiting, until they meet their right one at the right time.  Every time we love, we need courage to take another risk. There are two results of a relationship, either stick together forever or break-up. Some people are afraid of the latter result so they refuse to try. It is because these people most probably have experienced the hurt caused by break-ups, and their scars haven’t fully recovered. Time, is the only thing they need. How long? I have no idea as well, depends on how deep the scars are caused.

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For people out there who are experiencing loneliness, I understand that. You may try very hard to deny that you are lonely, but the fact is you are really feeling lonely. In this case, you got to learn how to cheer yourself up. Bare in mind, you are alone but you are may not be lonely. In our lives, in order to find our true love, we need patience. True love doesn’t come easy, true love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime, but waiting for it will yield a great return, a lifetime of love.

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All good things need a little time. Before the right person and the right time comes, enjoy the time being alone. Try to become a better person in order to meet a better person. And when the time I meet that special person, I will tell him that how glad I’m to meet him, and I will never ever let him go.

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I want you to know that, I’m waiting for you.
I can’t wait to meet you, to see your eyes,
to see your smile and to know about your life.
Wherever you are right now,
what ever you’re doing,
I’m praying for you.
I promise you I will grab your hands to see the world,
wrap my arms around your shoulder, and hold you close to me at night.
I can’t wait to love you, adore you, cherish you and take care of you.
I can’t wait to meet you,
and show you this message in the future when we finally meet.
But for now, I want you to know.
I’m waiting for you…

With love,
Ange Gardien xx