踏入社會的第一年

轉眼我已經工作了一年多,
這一年大概是過得最快的一年。
我的生活分為兩部份;
在高空和在地上。

還記得開始時內心的不安,
緊張自己做得不夠好、擔心別人不滿意自己、在意別人的眼光和言語⋯⋯
時間慢慢地磨練內心的堅強,
我學會了疲倦時給自己打氣,
在外地一個人學會了獨立,
在酒店一個人時學會不怕和恐怖傳聞中的東西共存,
在飛機上工作學會好好保護自己(狹窄的環境經常很容易弄傷自己)
遇上不好的同事和客人時學會掛上一個虛偽的笑容。
這些大概是我這一年為我學到已感到驕傲的。

說真的,誰沒有試過感到身心累透的感覺?
凌晨起床化妝上班,看到在鏡中的自己會被疲倦蒼白的樣子嚇到。
早上下班回家的路上就是別人起床上班的時候,也是我回家洗澡補眠的時候。
半夜醒來,會問自己到底今天是星期幾?是不是又要上班?仿佛對時間失去觀念。
晚上當別人都準備睡覺時,我穿著制服拖著兩個沉重的行李上班,是一種莫名其妙的空虛落漠。
別人看到的只是風光的一面:「很羨慕你啊又可以飛長途環遊世界」,
但每份工作風光的背後也有辛酸,我的工作更不外如是。

這份工作帶給我很多寶貴的經驗,
但是正正因為有很多獨處和休息的時間,
也給的很多思考人生的時候。
首先,這份工作令我認識很多不同性格的人,聽到很多不同的故事。
雖然每次聊天的時間不長,
但我在每個人身上也學到一點點東西和得著。
當然,工作也會遇上心地不好的人。
心情當然不好,也有過想哭的情緒,
但是當我看出機傖的天空,世界是多麼大,
他只是一個微不足道的人,自己對人生不滿意就對別人不好是多麼悲哀呀。
所以,現在的我內心比較去年是強大了。
心境真的會決定一切,若然你堅信會有好的事情發生,就一定會有。

記得我聽過某同事最近飛一班航班,
有一位五十多歲的爸爸和家人一行九人去旅行。
爸爸在飛機的途中去完廁所後暈倒失去知覺,
同事們給他做心外壓和心臟去顫器,
最後也沒有醒來。
飛機降落後,醫護人員都上來抬走那個爸爸,
所有人,機組人員,爸爸的兒女、老婆、他的爸媽⋯⋯全部人都哭了。
誰有想像過這一趟旅程,本來是九個人笑著去,最後竟然是八個人哭著回來?
所以,珍惜眼前人。
這一年大部份時間都離開家遠走,
確實是很享愛自己一個獨來獨往,在陌生城市探險的感覺,
但是人大了,真的開始有種會想家的感覺。

我很感恩這份工作帶給我的所有感動,
第一次在巴黎街道走著抬頭看到巴黎鐵塔的感動;
第一次在悉尼主教堂外站著聽表演者彈奏著情歌的感動;
第一次在南非看到獅子大象在大草原奔跑的感動;
第一次在瑞士登上雪山俯瞰雲海的感動;
第一次在外地有哥哥接我下班的感動;
第一次在男朋友乘坐我的航班當我乘客的感動;
還有很多很多第一次⋯⋯

雖然我不知道我對這份工作的熱誠會持續多久,
但是我知道有一天不能再在十萬尺高空工作的時候,
我一定會依依不捨。
所以,希望我今晚寫的文字能提醒日後的我,
如果有一天想走,請勇敢下決定相信自己,但不要忘記每一次飛行旅程遇上的人和事。

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Love is like a bus stop, ready to get aboard passengers?

He once told me that love is like a bus stop.
People come and go, you could get aboard if you are ready for it at the bus stop.
I once thought getting on a right bus is easy… until I realized some buses just never get you to the right destination, no matter how beautiful the scenery was throughout the journey.

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When the bus comes, you looked at it and said,
“This is so full, I mustn’t find a seat… I’ll wait for the next one.”
So you watched the bus go and waited for the second bus.

Then here comes the second bus, you said to yourself,
“The seats are comfortable, but it doesn’t have air-con… I’d better wait for the next one!” Again, you let the bus go and decided to wait for another one.

Here comes the third bus with air-con, comfy seats, and a generous driver wearing a warm smile that melted your heart.
“Hmm… I think this is the one!” So you jumped onto the bus filled with expectations.
There were ups and downs, bumpy roads, yet fascinating sceneries all the way which brought you great smiles. Out of the blue, not until much later you found out that you had boarded onto the wrong bus… 

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The moment you got off the bus, the sky started to get dark.
You felt so panic and frustrated because you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want. Even the bus had air-con, it was too cold for you even you have tried to stand any longer… so you wonder, will I ever get on a right bus that take me to my dream destination?

But wait… somehow I realized, you gotta learn to press the red button by taking the wrong bus to a wrong destination, in order to get on the right one. Through the entire bus journey, each and every unique scenery will be captured in your mind. No matter it was good or bad, someday when you look back, I’m sure you’ll smile and feel thankful for the experiences. 

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Love is all about patience… if you miss the bus, you’ll catch another one.
Similarly, if you love someone set him/her free. If he/she comes back to you, you know they’re yours. If they don’t then it was never meant to be. If you’re ready to find love, don’t hurry, come and wait with me, I’m sure we can find the right bus and never get off. After the dark, it’s another sunny day. =)

Be a wise Emotions Collector

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Today is a tiring day. I met a lot of inspiring people.  The roads that they are walking made me wonder about the path of my mysterious future. With all the uncertainties ahead, I wish a fairy could come up to me and point me to different right directions.

However, reality doesn’t allow fantasy to appear as we usually wish. We have to take risks and walk every steps carefully alone. Sometimes, a guardien angel from nowhere may guide you through hard times. But at most of the time, you have to deal it by yourselves.

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We experience different things and face different people every day. Either it sucks or it brightens up your day. You meet people with different unique characteristics. They may like you, or hurt you. That is why our emotions fluctuate from time to time.

Today, I am described to be an emotions collector. Well, I wonder if I should regard this as a postive or negative term? Lol Anyways, emotions collector means your emotions are easily trapped and recalled every time you think of a particular person/an experience that you overcame even after a long period of time. Little things could make me happy, while minor stuffs could also make me feel sad for a whole day at the same time. Most of the time, I just wish somebody could come over and give me a hug, telling me everything’s gotta be fine.

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To be carefree and happy, all we have to do is to let go. It is easy to say it while it’s hard to actually DO it. Letting go of emotions are not easy, especially when you drag on the memories that you wish to stay. But you gotta admit in the reality, those memories that you drag on actually doesn’t exist anymore, never and ever. Happy memories are surely deserved to be retained,  while the disturbing ones will just trouble you meaninglessly.

Therefore, I wish, I could learn to be a little stronger every day. May God be with me as always, grant me confidence and walk through the shades. Guys, lets just hang in there for a while more. You will be fine. I promise.

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Everything happens for a reason

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Sometimes, you hate yourself for screwing up things you wished,
and ending up where you didn’t expect to go.
Hold on. When time passes by, you will realize…
He is actually holding your hand all the way,
guiding you through the loudest storm,
and heard all your prayers even when we can’t find words to describe…
All the wrong people you met taught you to be grateful after you meet the right ones.
All the shits you experience taught you to become a stronger person.
All the disappointments taught you not to lose hope.
God has the most amazing plan for us…
All we need is patience…
and accept the challenges ahead he gives us,
enjoy the moments that he plans for us.
Sometimes he even surprises us with a perfect timing…
Thank you God for letting me found you.
You accompanied me through all the ups and downs,
and listened to me when I was depressed and alone.
All glory be to the God. I love you.

Reality & Expectations

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The moment when you realize that all the uncertainties ahead seem out of your control.. And deep down, you are expecting something to happen… hoping they could be achieved one by one. But sometimes, despite my best efforts, they let me down. The fear of feeling let down defeated my goal of being deeply happy. No matter how hard I tried to bottle them up and suppress them, they just turned into frustration. In the meantime, I tried to seek for comfort, and it makes you feel even emptier. What could I do? Be stronger… that’s all I could think of. Goodnight world…

 

Reminiscence

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「有些人 在心底從來沒忘記」
There are someone who you could never forget.

Time passes, people change but memories don’t. Good and bad memories bring tears, and words can’t replace feelings. Goodbyes will always hurt but pictures can never replace being there.

He once said to me, “if it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
I didn’t understand the meaning behind it at that moment. But when time passes, I start to become crystal clear about this simple but true saying. The person who told me this has left, however, if life grants me to choose once again, I’d do it all over again, no regrets.

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Reminiscence is always emotional. You think of moments that had happened with people you couldn’t forget. You think of them because they no longer exist in your life anymore. Sometimes you miss them too much and you thought that dreams were reality. In fact, you dream because there is no other way you could see it happen again.

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Sometimes, reminiscence makes me sad because of broken promises.

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.
“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

Indeed, if promises are made to break, please don’t make them. Some people are hard to trust people because they have lost courage to trust again after disappointments.

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Promises can be beautiful. At least, I still believe it exists in true love. A person who truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation.
「若愛,請深愛;
若棄,請徹底。
不要曖昧,傷人傷己。」
“If you love,love deeply.
If you abandon, please do thoroughly.
Don’t be ambiguous, it’s harmful to both.”

With love,
Ange Gardien xx

Cherish the moment

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Life is unexpected. You never know what will happen in the next minute. And that’s the reason why we are making decisions every day. Yet, there are decisions that we’ll live to regret. Some regrets could be fixed if we endeavor to make a change. However, there are some regrets that could never ever go back.

I am inspired by a recent Youtube video uploaded by a Dad (the link is down below), whose son passed away when he served in the armed force. His son has a sweet girlfriend and they have been together for four years, and planning to get married in 2012. Unfortunately, the war took away their son, their friend, and her boyfriend.

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It touches my heart while seeing how his Dad misses his son so much. He requested for help from public in order to get a “look back” video from Facebook, just for getting over death of a loved one to cope with death or grief.

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It reminds me of a personal reflection. Did I spend enough time for the loved ones who are worthy to me? Every time I think of death, I kinda freak out a little bit. It is not because I have never overcome death before, I did went to my uncle’s funeral. And that experience reminded me the sadness of losing somebody you have talked to. No matter how much you wanted to show your kindness and love to them, you are never granted a chance anymore.

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From now on, I just want myself to bare one thing in my mind every day – CHERISH the ones you love and those who love you. Because you never know when they won’t be there anymore.

“Life is short, live it.
Love is rare, grab it.
Fear is mind-killer, face it.
Memories are sweet, cherish them.”

Yes, there are some regrets that have already pasted in our life, and we can do nothing but to let go. Maybe you can try to think in this way. If you haven’t experienced regrets, you will never learn to cherish. Right?

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Sometimes, you didn’t choose to let somebody vanish in your life, they entered your lives and walked away because of some reasons that you can’t figure out. In the meantime, you start to realize that many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true ones will leave footprints in your heart. This is one of the most valuable lesson what life teaches us.

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So yeah, be thankful everyday of who’s around and paying attention on you, and giving their greatest love to you. Start with parents who made you the person you become today. They are pretty much the only two people in the world who can offer you unconditional love. Cherish and love your parents. Kiss them and hold their hands, like how they did when you were little. =)

With love,
Ange Gardien xx